Group 4

First of all, good job, Group 4! Your white paper (first draft) was pretty good. The first thing that I noticed that needs improvement, and I am sure you just skipped over this for the first draft, is the title page. It does not need to be flashy, but the sample white papers that I read through seemed a lot more professional and just felt smoother when started with a simple title page. The next item that stood out was the usability section. It looked a bit awkward and felt too long. Could you break up this section into two paragraphs? It just seemed long and would flow a lot better as two paragraphs rather than one long one.
I really liked the conclusion to this white paper. It was worded well and wrapped up the document in an appropriate manner. Overall, the whole paper was worded well also. There were just those couple of items that I thought could have flowed better and then some minor proofreading, and you are done! Good work; good paper; good luck with the rest of your schooling!

Group 4,

Good job writing this white paper. All the parts seem to run together smoothly and all parts are concentrated on Apple and the benefits Google Docs can bring to the company. I do notice that you do not have a title page. As well as the title page, it might be a good idea to create a table of contents and organize your paper into sections. White paper readers are going to want to find information quickly and easily so having a table of contents in crucial. In particular, I liked the wording and sentence structure of the paper. Everyone seems to stay on the same page and use the same sentence structure that adds much credibility to your paper. I also notice that you do not have a reference page. You absolutely need to get that on there or technically, since this is a research paper, you have plagiarized your entire project. Other than these missing sections, all seems to be in order and well composed. Good job.

Very good first draft. I think overall, it was organized very well, and the sections were well labeled and included valuable information. There are just a few things that I noticed while reading through your white paper.

1. In your introduction paragraph, you refer to a link to an article about the Iphone. I’m not sure, but I think a lot of the time, white papers are to be used as documents that sum up all of the know information about a subject, so that the reader has a general knowledge without having to do their own research. So, I would just include the relevant information from the article, and not include the link until the end of the white paper, in a reference section.
2. The usability section does seem a little long and confusing. It might work better if it were divided into 2 or 3 paragraphs.
3. This paper is supposed to summarize the important known information about using Google Docs. But, mostly what I see is a persuasive argument for switching to Google Docs. What about the con’s? Is there anything bad that might result, are there any sacrifices that have to be made?

These are just a few observations that I made about your paper. But, I would also suggest that you include a title page, table of contents, and a reference page. I hope these comments helped.

I would like to start off by saying that I felt that you have a good first draft for the white paper project. In reading your white paper, one of the first things that I noticed was how much research you put into your paper. This was evident by the knowledge that you demonstrated about your company, apple, and the list of improvements that Google docs would make for that large company. One problem I did notice that you did not have a title page. Another thing is that you kept putting a lot of emphasis on the apple IPhone but you didn’t say much about other cell phones that are as capable of running Google docs. The way you worded it gave me the impression that the IPhone is the only cell phone capable of running Google docs. Overall though, I found it to be a very informative and well written white paper.