Resume and Cover Letter - Edit me. Lots.
Submitted by dank on Thu, 07/03/2008 - 23:09.
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Attached are rough drafts of my cover letter and resume that will be sent to Shedd Aquarium for the Development Assistant job. Enjoy, and edit away. I'd love to actually get this job, so definitely be harsh, and give me any and all comments.
Dan
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Long Cover letter
Daniel after reading your resume and cover letter I have a few comments for praise and improvement. To begin with, your resume formatting was good, block style and easy to follow. I think it is a good idea to bold or underline each new heading like you did so that the reader’s eyes are drawn to the content. The only suggestion I would have for improvement is that the font is smaller making it harder to read. This might be improved if the bullets were not pushed in so far onto the page, so that there would be more room for text on a larger portion of the paper. I thought that your objective was well written and tailored to the exact job that you are applying for. From my experiences this is one of the hardest parts to write in a resume just like the introduction and conclusion paragraphs to a paper. For your cover letter the only advice I have is that it is over a page which makes it a little lengthy. I am not sure if it is longer because the font chosen is bigger, a change in font might help with the length. But, I thought that your cover letter although longer than usually advised was very persuasive and well written. You showed your voice and passion through you past positions and what you want to pursue in the future showing that you really are interested in the job. Good Luck!!
Reply
Dan,
I would first like to offer some praise for two thorough and well written documents. The suggestions I intend to offer are merely to provide some suggestions for possible improvement of your documents.
Cover Letter
The cover letter appears to be a little long (two pages on my computer). I would suggest that the cover page be condensed down into one page per example in “The Thompson Handbook” pages 225. The history of the Rube competition, while interesting, doesn’t help sell yourself to the company in question. I would suggest a focus shift towards selling your skill set to the potential employer.
Resume
I enjoyed the resume layout over all. Formatting appeared to be consistent and the spelling appeared to be correct. I would suggest maybe adding your graduation school under the education heading. I also think that the addition of a GPA may be helpful in this location as well. The expirence part contains a wealth of information, I would suggested trying to segment this up more somehow. Consider the addition of a ‘Work’ or ‘Organization’ subtitle, as well as other custom titles.