Employment Project Step 2: Resume Rough Draft
Submitted by wlgriffi on Wed, 06/18/2008 - 23:19.
Resume for Environmental Health Specialist position
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Resume for Environmental Health Specialist position
Resume Peer Editing Suggestions
1. What can the writer do to make the resume better tailored to the specific job being applied for? I don't know a lot about the health sciences field, but your objective is good without being overly specific.
2. Is the layout and design pleasing to the eye? Make at least one suggestion for improving it. I think the overall layout is very good. I do think that your email address seems to be floating too far below your name. It seems to be a little out of place
3. Does the resume fit comfortably within the page (as opposed to being squished in or stretched out)? What can the writer do to improve it? I think the resume fits very comfortably into one page, it doesn’t feel cramped or stretched out.
4. Is it easily readable (no confusing fonts, clearly marked sections)? What improvements can be made? I think the font is great. It is very easy to read and all the sections are marked clearly and appropriately.
5. Does it use typography (including headers and bold and italics) appropriately and effectively? I think the bolding and headers were very well done and call your attention to all the correct places.
6. Is the most important information located on the left side of the page and near the top whenever possible? Identify at least one part that could be better placed. I think all the information is placed near the top left as frequently as possible. The only critique I could make is to place your email closer to the top or somewhere else. Besides that I think the placement is great.
7. Does the content of the resume support the objective (if there is one)? Explain. I think the content does support the objective. The resume clearly shows that all the activities, jobs, and other training shows that this person is working towards a job in this field.
8. Is the resume too short? Where can it elaborate? Job skills? Responsibilities? Education? I think the resume is a great length. You are able to go into detail about what you actually do at each job without being wordy. I would go into a little bit more detail about what you have done in the clubs you are a member of.
9. Is material sequenced in order of importance and relevance? I think for the most part things are sequenced in order of importance. I think that maybe related courses should be bumped down to after work experience. Since probably everyone applying for this job has gone to college I think it’s more important to show what work experience you have.
10. Do bulleted items begin with action verbs? Are list items ordered in terms of importance? Yes all but one is started with an action verb. I also think they are listed in order of importance.
11. Does the resume avoid generalities and focus on specific information and professional terminology? I think the resume is very specific and offers good details.
12. Does the resume pass the Quadrant, Column, Squint, and Distance tests (See attached document below for help with these tests)? Explain how the author might make improvements based on your test results. I think it passes the column test. In the quadrant test I think the middle right side has less text than the rest, but I think it’s good that way. The most important information is on the left side at the top. I think with the squint and distance test the most important parts still stand out.
13. What other observations can you make about the resume? I think it was thoughtfully prepared and overall looks very good. Each area is well described and applicable to the job being applied for.
Peer Editing Review
1. What can the writer do to make the resume better tailored to the specific job being applied for?
I see that you would like to say a lot in your objective, but it is a run-on sentence. Maybe you could leave the first part out were you talk about yourself, and only state what you want out of this job.
2. Is the layout and design pleasing to the eye? Make at least one suggestion for improving it.
Overall the design seemed well presented. Try to leave a little more space in separation of your name and address from the rest of the resume.
3. Does the resume fit comfortably within the page (as opposed to being squished in or stretched out)? What can the writer do to improve it?
There is a lot on this resume and the page looks crowded. Try to take a little of the information out and narrow the margins a little.
4. Is it easily readable (no confusing fonts, clearly marked sections)? What improvements can be made?
It is easily readable with marked sections. The courses in the section titled “Related Courses” should be indented just like everything else. This will make it a little more uniform.
5. Does it use typography (including headers and bold and italics) appropriately and effectively?
The headers, titles and important information are all bolded which is important. This resume was effective in using typography.
6. Is the most important information located on the left side of the page and near the top whenever possible? Identify at least one part that could be better placed.
For the most part the important information is located near the top and on the left side. I noticed the second entry in the “Work Experience” section did not directly apply to the type of job you are applying for. I think that the information in the “Relevant Experience” is more valuable than the sales associate experience.
7. Does the content of the resume support the objective (if there is one)? Explain.
Yes. The content is build with relevant work and research experience. The fact that you have completed tasks which are contained in the job that you are applying for means that your resume reflects your qualifications to apply for this job.
8. Is the resume too short? Where can it elaborate? Job skills? Responsibilities? Education?
I feel that the resume could use a little bit of shortening if anything. Try to trim past jobs that do not directly apply.
9. Is material sequenced in order of importance and relevance?
The material is presented in the order of importance.
10. Do bulleted items begin with action verbs? Are list items ordered in terms of importance?
Yes. The information in the bulleted lists are presented in order of importance. They contain action words and all use the past tense of the verb.
11. Does the resume avoid generalities and focus on specific information and professional terminology?
Generalities are avoided pretty well in this resume. I do not know much about Environmental Health Science, but the appearance of professional terminology is used effectively.
12. Does the resume pass the Quadrant, Column, Squint, and Distance tests (See attached document below for help with these tests)? Explain how the author might make improvements based on your test results.
The resume passes the Quadrant test in my eyes. The column test was quite impressive on this resume. It effectively uses three columns. Use of the Squint test shows that your name, main sections and dates all stand out among the rest of the resume.
13. What other observations can you make about the resume?
Overall it is a nice resume. The main thing to fix is the length. It is a lot to read. Hopefully the employer has time to read it all. The main section stand out which is helpful.
Resume Peer Editing Suggestions
Questions for Response
1. What can the writer do to make the resume better tailored to the specific job being applied for?
-From a first impression, it looks good, however I did have to reread some of the employment experiences next to the objective a couple of times.
2. Is the layout and design pleasing to the eye? Make at least one
suggestion for improving it.
-I think the name is a good bold size, but it did distract me at first as if it was too big almost. But I think the whole layout has a good flow to it and is easy to follow.
3. Does the resume fit comfortably within the page (as opposed to being squished in or stretched out)? What can the writer do to improve it?
-Yes, it looks nice and clean on one page.
4. Is it easily readable (no confusing fonts, clearly marked sections)? What improvements can be made?
-It is a bit plain in regards to font but I think this is a positive thing so that your attention doesn't distract away from the actual concrete information.
5. Does it use typography (including headers and bold and italics) appropriately and effectively?
-Yes it usually both of these things effectively.
6. Is the most important information located on the left side of the page and near the top whenever possible? Identify at least one part that could be better placed.
-Yes, everything relevant is in the right order from most important such as education to "least" important.
7. Does the content of the resume support the objective (if there is one)? Explain. Yes, the content of the resume supports the objective.
-Yes, of course there are experiences that might not quite be what they are looking for but that is in the less prominent position. Overall, the resume seems to be going to the right company based on the qualifications.
8. Is the resume too short? Where can it elaborate? Job skills? Responsibilities? Education?
-No, the resume is a good size, with everything important included. If it was any longer it would also not fit onto one page.
9. Is material sequenced in order of importance and relevance?
-Yes and Yes.
10. Do bulleted items begin with action verbs? Are list items ordered in terms of importance?
-Yes all bulleted items start with action verbs and are listed in order of importance.
11. Does the resume avoid generalities and focus on specific information and professional terminology?
-The resume is a concrete piece of material that states information that is very unique to where you are applying to. I might not understand all the specific information but your company will so that is good. Good use of professional terminology as well.
12. Does the resume pass the Quadrant, Column, Squint, and Distance tests (See attached document below for help with these tests)? Explain how the author might make improvements based on your test results.
-It passes, however the large bold name still sometimes distracts my eyes from the rest of text.
13. What other observations can you make about the resume?
-All in all, it is a good resume with a lot of unique information on one page. However it is still simple enough to read, good job!
Peer Review
1. What can the writer do to make the resume better tailored to the specific job being applied for? You gave very specific evidence you are qualified for such a position. However, I would like to see more evidence why you chose “an emphasis on protecting the public from food borne illness…”
2. Is the layout and design pleasing to the eye? Make at least one suggestion for improving it. The layout is pleasing to the eye. I would suggest you make your objective a bit more concise. It seems a bit long.
3. Does the resume fit comfortably within the page (as opposed to being squished in or stretched out)? What can the writer do to improve it? It seems to fit the page very nicely. I wouldn’t make any changes.
4. Is it easily readable (no confusing fonts, clearly marked sections)? What improvements can be made? It is easily readable, but I would definitely shorten the objective.
5. Does it use typography (including headers and bold and italics) appropriately and effectively? Excellent use of headers. I really like the line under your name. It makes it stand out. I think there is a little too much bold under the education section, but you make it work.
6. Is the most important information located on the left side of the page and near the top whenever possible? Identify at least one part that could be better placed. You did a good job with keeping the important information at the left side of the page. I would suggest putting the training under the education, because it seems to flow better that way.
7. Does the content of the resume support the objective (if there is one)? Explain. Yes, but I would like to see a little more support about the food borne illnesses.
8. Is the resume too short? Where can it elaborate? Job skills? Responsibilities? Education? I don’t think the resume is too short, but I would like to see more details about what the training entailed.
9. Is material sequenced in order of importance and relevance? Like I said before, I would suggest the training to go under the education.
10. Do bulleted items begin with action verbs? Are list items ordered in terms of importance? Yes and yes! Good job!
11. Does the resume avoid generalities and focus on specific information and professional terminology? Yes, good job again!
12. Does the resume pass the Quadrant, Column, Squint, and Distance tests? Explain how the author might make improvements based on your test results. I would recommend using columns for related courses. I would also use a right alignment for the information that is on the right hand side of the page. It would make the lines look cleanier. Also, the objective looks very jumbled.
13. What other observations can you make about the resume? I notice there are quite a few typos. Don’t forget to use spell check even on a first draft, because those mistakes are easy to overlook later. You also forgot to finish a bullet point under Research Assistant. Overall, great job. Your resume is very appealing and I would definitely give it a second glance.
Ed's Critique
1. What can the writer do to make the resume better tailored to the specific job being applied for?
Simply put, your objective statement is too long. In my opinion, you could delete everything between "Highly accomplished" and "health science seeking" and start the statement with "To obtain a position as an environmental health specialist..."
Phrases like "highly accomplished, quick learner with impressive hands-on knowledge" are your opinion, and they will be dismissed as such by your reader. Instead of trying to impress your reader with self-applied compliments, just brag about your actual accomplishments.
2. Is the layout and design pleasing to the eye? Make at least one suggestion for improving it.
For the most part, your layout strategy is strong. You check out your "Objective" and "Related Courses" sections because both have text that is on the same alignment as the headings. Only headings should go on the 'headings' alignment. This helps textual flow.
3. Does the resume fit comfortably within the page (as opposed to being squished in or stretched out)? What can the writer do to improve it?
You might consider merging "related courses" and "training" into the education section. Perhaps they can be sub-headings under Education.
4. Is it easily readable (no confusing fonts, clearly marked sections)? What improvements can be made?
Your name is way too gigantic. It is so huge that it is distracting. Conversely, the bulk of your text is 10 pt. font, which is too small and is hard to read. Your text should never be smaller than 11 pt.
5. Does it use typography (including headers and bold and italics) appropriately and effectively?
For the most part, boldfacing strategies make sense, but in the "Training" section, the entire phrase is boldfaced, which is inconsistent with your boldfacing strategies elsewhere in the resume.
6. Is the most important information located on the left side of the page and near the top whenever possible? Identify at least one part that could be better placed.
This was well done.
7. Does the content of the resume support the objective (if there is one)? Explain.
With the clear and glaring exception of 'Target,' your material is 100% relevant. Consider removing the 'Target' job from the resume.
8. Is the resume too short? Where can it elaborate? Job skills? Responsibilities? Education?
No problems here.
9. Is material sequenced in order of importance and relevance?
No problems here.
10. Do bulleted items begin with action verbs? Are list items ordered in terms of importance?
Some of your bullet points require attention. They all start with action verbs, except "Accurately managed..." Remove the word 'accurately' and the word "excellent" in the one below it. Instead of showering yourself with compliments, just let your accomplishments speak for themselves.
Finally, your verb structure is critically flawed in "WashED, plantED, and harvestING..." All verbs should end the same.
11. Does the resume avoid generalities and focus on specific information and professional terminology?
Some items could be more specific, but for the most part this is well done.
12. Does the resume pass the Quadrant, Column, Squint, and Distance tests (See attached document below for help with these tests)? Explain how the author might make improvements based on your test results.
Quadrant: For the most part. The bottom left quadrant is a little empty.
Column: For the most part. See comment #2.
Squint: Yes.
Distance: Yes.
13. What other observations can you make about the resume?
Why do you make all the words upper-case in "Powered Lift Truck Training Program for the Shipping and Receiving Department"?
CRITICAL ERROR: There is a bullet point without any text under "Research Assistant." This kind of error will result in your reader throwing out your resume.