English 421K, Technical Writing

The content in this document is very informative and well organized. Each paragraph is subject based which I would consider appropriate for an intended audience of well read people. Regarding the document’s capacity to appeal to adolescent children, I feel there are many design flaws that prevent that from occurring. Firstly, what the document has in information it completely lacks in design. Because each paragraph is subject based, I feel that using bullets would be a more appropriate way to reduce word count

Frostbite and Hypothermia

Playing outside in the winter with friends can be a fun event, but there are certain dangers that you must remember. When you are exposed to the cold temperatures of the winter your body can freeze and you could develop frostbite or hypothermia.

If I revised this description of Frostbite and Hypothermia for young people, I'd bullet point any list or sequence. For example, the degrees of frostbite and the warning signs and untreated symptoms of hypothermia would be items that I would throw in bullet points. This also increases the amount of white space and makes room for pictures, something else that I could include along with a revision.

For a young person 10 - 15 years old to sit down with an attention span long enough to read the current document is asking quite a bit. Revising the webpage for their level would require breaking up the paragraphs and using more simple sentences. The paragraph concerning the elderly can be removed. Adding pictures will get the point across and help overcome the superman complex, "This can't happen to me." I also hope that the alcohol comment in the last paragraph isn't necessary for this age group.

This article is pretty much awful for younger readers. The title is boring and doesn't spark interest or catch the readers eye. It should stand out a bit more with color or font. The article itself is plain black text, no spacing, running on and on. The text should be spaced out a little bit more to make it easier for teenagers to read. The article definetly needs some pictures to help make the article less bland. I think that maybe two columns would help the readablility a bit. I think the information is good and will be understandable by the younger readers.

The website as it is now reads like a textbook. To really grab and inform pre-teens, it needs to read like a fasion or sports magazine article. There should be easily separated and defined setions, such as "Causes", "Symptoms", "Prevention", and "Treatment". The Symptom coloum could be a bulleted list clearly stating the basic symptoms and warning signs. Adding color, bolded and varied fonts, and pictures will grab attention. The language of the article should be "younger", with less technical terms and more descriptive phrases for those not familiar with scientific jargon.

I liked the information that is presented in the original article, as I believe all kids ages 10 to 15 years old need to be taught all of it.

I believe the organization of the document could be changed a little to make the web page easier to follow. I would have the following section headings: -An Introduction to Frostbite and Hypothermia -Hypothermia -Frostbite -Tips to Avoid Frostbite and Hypothermia

Nothing beats a snow day, right? No school, tons of snow, hot chocolate, and a whole day of fun outside with your friends!

When spending a long time outside in the winter, it is also important to be safe while you are having fun. The best way to be safe in the cold is to be aware of the things that can go wrong so you can protect yourself from them.

There are two main things you need to watch out for when you are playing outside in cold weather: frostbite, and hypothermia.

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Frostbite

Your in the snowball fight of your life! You've been at it for hours with the whole neighborhood, throwing snowballs until your arms are tired. You duck down behind your snow-fort wall to doge incomming missles, and then decide you are tired enough to take a break. A few minutes later, you can't feel you hands or feet, and you start shivering uncontrollably. You start feeling sleepy and want to take a nap and let the cold pass. What's happening? You're being attacked by hypothermia and frostbite, and now is the time to run and get help as fast as you can!

I think the style of the article is pretty simple and the words are easy to understand, but the organization and design are confusing and boring. I think at least one picture should be added to get across a serious point that frostbite and spending extended periods of time in cold temperatures can have a serious negative affect on the body. Also, since this article is supposed to be designed for 10 to 15 year olds, I think even a little comic strip could be beneficial to add some interest to the article. Of course the comic strip should be related to frostbite or hypothermia.