English 421K, Technical Writing

1) The lists and explanations of the exact chemicals and reactions that cause the combustion are not necessary. A simple sentence such as "ChemConcepts uses many different chemicals that pose a combustion threat when improperly stored." would suffice. Basically, the whole fist half of the second paragraph is not needed, and can be shortened quite a bit. Also, if the information on the state codes are to be included, they need to be integrated into the subject matter better. Is the company currently adhering to the codes? Are there ways for the codes to be enacted as the procedures in the labs? The information on the injured employees should be a supporting reason for the meeting, not a memo opener. 2) The mandatory meeting should take precedent in the memo. At the end, it may not get the recognition it deserves, if it gets read at all. All other information should then follow and support the reasons and needs for the meeting. Like an invitation, this memo should state the what, when, where, who, and why of the meeting. Right now, it's a story followed by extra information followed by the meeting specifics added to the end. 3) The action item in the meeting, and it should be the first thing in the memo. There is always a possibility that whom ever is reading this memo has many other things to do, and will not have the time or patience to read all the way through it, especially when the second paragraph reads like a narrative of the labs. The reader may move on before reaching the end, and miss the important info on the mandatory meeting. 4) The style needs to be more direct, with specific info on the meeting, and not background information. Most of the facts covered in the memo could be covered in the meeting. It needs a less narrative and personal letter feel and more of a what, where, when, who, and why feel, sticking to the basics. 5) Having the meeting time, place, and attendees at the top, in a bold of easy-to-read form will get the mot important part across. The paragraphs need to be shorter.