English 421K, Technical Writing

Too much information is included. The reader doesn't need to know about past injuries and the author doesn't need to present it's version of a rough draft here. The main point is not addressed until the final paragraph. The last paragraph should be first but editing it so that the main point and purpose is in the first couple sentences. I think it would be easier to the readers if there was less description of a procedure and less examples. All that really needs to be said is, that it was decided that the issue of chemical safety has not been addressed to a satisfactory level in ChemConcepts, a mandatory meeting for November 30 from 1:00 to 5:00 has been called to address the issue. Also to tell the readers to bring 15 copies of their own rough draft of chemical safety. It's nice to have all of the rest of the information since, as a lab supervisor, it would help me focus my draft and give me a sense of why this must be done, but that's not the main purpose of the memo in my opinion. So, maybe it can be included after the main purpose/subject has been stated. I think the way it is written can be condensed to be more concise and easier to read.