English 421K, Technical Writing

I really like what you did with this PMU description! I didn't know any of the history of the Union so it was nice to read! I also really liked the layout of the document. It had a very nice flow, with really good visuals.

I did make some grammatical changes in the attached document. I have no idea how to use track changes on my home computer, so I highlighted all of my changes in yellow. I believe there were only four things that I highlighted.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Daniel

Unfortunately, I don't have Office on my home computer. I use OpenOffice, and I can't do "track changes" and commenting on it, so I'm going to type my suggestions in here, if you don't mind.

You aren't doing as badly as you think you are. However, think about your audience - who are you writing for? I realize you're doing an architectural walk-through, and it does work as a general document. Are you writing it for visitors? For architects? When you clarify your audience, it might help you think of ways to make your document better or more clearly defined. You might even be able to condense it down into a "booklet" of sorts.

Breaking up the walk-throughs into other subsections, like "The Main Entrance," "Lounges and Ballrooms," and "Recreational Areas" (for the first part; the second will need its own, too) might also give it more clarity and draw the reader's eye down and give them a "guide to your guide."

I also notice grammatical and spelling errors. Make sure you really proofread your document - I'm willing to look over it in person if you have any questions, too - before you turn it in and make sure that all words are spelled correctly (or you have the right words - "bellow" vs. "below," for example), you don't have apostrophes where they don't belong, etc.

Your language is really nice. It's vivid and descriptive, and it makes the reader want to see what's there. For example, you wrote about the stained-glass window; the picture was appropriately placed, and the language leading up to it made me want to look at that picture to see what it looked like.

I think you're better off than you think. You are doing great so far. If you want clarification from me about anything, feel free to ask; I'm willing to help out a little more if you need my opinion.

Erin

your special sites header needs to get moved down the next page. i think your descriptions and explanations are very interesting. i think your conclusion is very good and encourages the reader to come visit the union and see for themselves just how special the architecture really is.

Very interesting document; however, I am not sure who the intended audience is. Is this important to know when writing the piece? Additionally, there seems to be a lot of information smooshed in together. The titles in the coral colored font are not very easy to see on a white background. Making them darker would benefit their impact. Also, you may want to consider adding subtitles to help clarify which section is trying to achieve which purpose. The information flows in a very linear and logical way, but maybe this could be maintained with subtitles added in. Just something to think about. Also, I think if you are going to go onto a fourth page, you should use the whole thing. Either alter spacing, add more information, or try to shorten it to fit onto three pages. Right now it does not look balanced with all the white space on the fourth page. Overall, very interesting way to look at the assignment.