English 421K, Technical Writing

If I revised this description of Frostbite and Hypothermia for young people, I'd bullet point any list or sequence. For example, the degrees of frostbite and the warning signs and untreated symptoms of hypothermia would be items that I would throw in bullet points. This also increases the amount of white space and makes room for pictures, something else that I could include along with a revision. Nothing too graphical for the children, but sketches that further elaborate points made such as showing someone who has his/her core body wrapped and hands in a tub of water to show the point of keeping the core warm and extremities kept in water. I'd also add sub-headings...maybe one for hypothermia, one for frostbite, one for environmental hazards(for the section on wind chill and room temperature), and one for preventive measures. Depending on the clarity and size of the pictures, I might go with a two column style. I think I'd also add the heading and the sub-headings into the side bar as well.