English 421K, Technical Writing

I think the style of the article is pretty simple and the words are easy to understand, but the organization and design are confusing and boring. I think at least one picture should be added to get across a serious point that frostbite and spending extended periods of time in cold temperatures can have a serious negative affect on the body. Also, since this article is supposed to be designed for 10 to 15 year olds, I think even a little comic strip could be beneficial to add some interest to the article. Of course the comic strip should be related to frostbite or hypothermia. To help with the organizational problems, I have attached two word documents marking the changes I made to make the article more coherent and blend better. One of the attachments has track changes on and shows the changes I made as I made them. The second attachment has all the changes made, but I have eliminated the changes being tracked for easier reading. As for style, I would add 1-2 pictures, maybe a comic about frostbite, and some color to add some interest. If kids are reading this, they will need something to make it exciting and interesting, rather than bland or boring.