Vincent (12)

Vincent (12)

Submitted by kim on Tuesday, June 6, 2006 - 5:36pm

It surprised me that three women still wanted to sleep with Norah Vincent when they found out that Ned was really a woman. I can't say that it wouldn't freak the hell out of me. I would be really angry if a love interest, male or female, had deceived me in such a huge way. I guess that might be a peculiarity I have. I guess I have a big fear of being lied to or deceived. Also, it surprised me that those women were so open to trying sex with a woman. Like I said, I can't say I would have been as open. I really think it was wrong that Norah deceived so many people in such a way in this chapter, and I didn't really find anything worthy of this deceit. I found it interesting the way she discovered some short-comings of women in their assumptions about men and their arrogance toward men. I admit to being guilty of holding the same stigmas about men who approach women in any kind of romantic way. It's like I carry a sheild. I'm in a long-term relationship right now, but even if I was single it seems like rejection is just a default with any guy that randomly approaches me. It's also 'interesting' that I really don't intend to change that part of my personality. I will cut men more slack in my mind, but there is just something about meeting a random person and trying to connect with them that I dislike. I guess I like to be the one in control. If I want you, I will choose you. I don't want to be accessible in that way to anyone. The friendship chapter made me rethink the way I treated women I work with and meet, but even though I realize this peculiliar (or not so) behavior towards men, I don't feel any propensity to change it.

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I find it interesting that

Submitted by Anne on Tuesday, June 6, 2006 - 7:52pm

I find it interesting that you feel no urge to change your behaviors, but I relate to you on being skeptical of guys.

I really liked the chapter on love because it gave me some insight into dating rituals. I will (probably) never be in a position to approach women as a man, to go on dates with them as a man, so I will never get to understand, fully, what it feels like from the guy's perspective. In high school I acted in similar manners, skeptical of the guys, expecting them to Be The Man!, to pay for dinner/movies, etc. I've changed drastically since then - I take it as an affront when guys try to pay for me or even open the door for me. To me, chivalry has to run both ways, so we open the doors for ourselves and split the bill or take turns. I took me a while to realize the immense pressure on guys to be "men" (whatever the hell that is), and it didn't happen until after I had realized the pressure that was on me to be a "woman" (whatever the hell that is).

Feminism ain't just theory, it's praxis, it's action. I can't expect "men" to treat me differently if I don't do the same to them. We've got to work together, you know?

yeah, I know what you mean.

Submitted by kim on Tuesday, June 6, 2006 - 8:22pm

yeah, I know what you mean. I think maybe the reason I feel like that is that I wouldn't go up and bother a guy while he was studying or something, so why is it okay for him to do so? I'm in a pretty unusual relationship. It's equal and opposite in a strange way. My boyfriend pretty much takes care of the house, does laundry, cooks, cleans, and goes to school. He has a learning disability so it takes him a painfully long time to do homework, so he doesn't have a job. He puts in his half of the rent, but when we want to go to the movies or something, I take him out. It used to bother me that he wouldn't hold the door for me if we were in public, and then I started doing it for him, so he, in turn, started being more polite to me. I think I like it better that I am required to treat him just as special as I want to be treated.

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