1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return
address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s),
and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
This letter includes all the necessary parts.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, the writer uses block formatting.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
This letter fits the occasion of a typical cover letter. There are a couple of grammar errors that take away from the style though. See question 5 for details.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as
enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?)
Explain.
I almost feel that your 3rd paragraph became too detached from the job application process. Something as simple as using one sentence to directly relate your teaming skills to the job you’d like would help.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them,
either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
This is almost a form thing. You address your letter to “Human Resouces:”. I would prefer to see a salutation there, such as “Dear Human Resources Manager:”. That’s probably just a personal preference thing though.
In your first paragraph, second sentence. You need the word ‘location’ after
Mountain View .
You have a couple of acronyms that haven’t first been spelled out. I would write out IT and
OSS .
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad,
using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications?
Even if it does, what could be done better?
I think that you could better relate your qualifications to the job being applied for. However, I think that language you use does relate well to Google. You have good traits (real world experience, teaming); I would just package it to fit the company more.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
I didn’t really feel as if you listed any specific reasons as why you wanted the Google job. There’s a lot of really good examples of your skill set, but I never felt as though you were connecting your skills to Google. If you added a sentence or two about how your skills relate to the Google job, this would be a very good cover letter.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
This is easily the strongest part of your letter. You have excellent experience and that’s very obvious reading your cover letter.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for,
its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
You need to add the source of the position applied for. Otherwise, this is fine.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further
discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Your conclusion paragraph was well written and to the point. It also leaves the reader thinking about contacting you, which is definitly a good thing.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would focus on relating your skills to the specific job. Turn this into a more specific cover letter than a generic one.
Also, this is kind of a nitpick, but my immediate thought with the story of 300 customers being without internet is “why were they w/o internet in the first place?” It sounds as if the internet outage was a result of an issue within your company, which probably isn’t what you want the person reading the letter to come away with. The point of time criticaility is good; I would just phrase it better.
Does the letter include all the necessary components (return
address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s),
and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, all the parts of the letter are present.
Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, all the test is flush with the left.
Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
The letter seems fine. It is a good example based on the examples in the Thomson Handbook.
Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as
enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?)
Explain.
Again, Jacob does a good job of explaining his amazing experiences without sounded conceited.
Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them,
either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
In the beginning, it should read Mountain View *location. The sentence makes little sense the way it is now.
Content/Rhetorical Context
Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad,
using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications?
Even if it does, what could be done better?
I think you probably nailed it with your network programming experience, that is exactly what Google is looking for. You even mentioned that it is more than you could have gotten in a class, which is absolutely true. That said, maybe it would have been good to mention your CS work/projects in class. Do you have anything other than Dark Horse Networks?
Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
No, not directly. You mention many good reasons why Google should hire you, but why do you want the job?
Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
Yes, the language is appropriate for the target audience. Although I may not know exactly what he is talking about, surely this is what Google wants to hear about.
Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for,
its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, he explains that he wants the position of Software Engineer at the Mountain View campus. He then mentions his experience and diverse skill set.
Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further
discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes he provides his cell phone number. The letter ends on a high note because he shows interest in receieving a reply, and is very courteous.
What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
There is the one major grammar correction. Otherwise, I think may put a little more about Purdue, but that's your call.
Peer Review
Form and Style
1. Does the letter include all the necessary components (return
address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s),
and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
This letter includes all the necessary parts.
2. Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?
Yes, the writer uses block formatting.
3. Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.
This letter fits the occasion of a typical cover letter. There are a couple of grammar errors that take away from the style though. See question 5 for details.
4. Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as
enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?)
Explain.
I almost feel that your 3rd paragraph became too detached from the job application process. Something as simple as using one sentence to directly relate your teaming skills to the job you’d like would help.
5. Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them,
either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
This is almost a form thing. You address your letter to “Human Resouces:”. I would prefer to see a salutation there, such as “Dear Human Resources Manager:”. That’s probably just a personal preference thing though.
In your first paragraph, second sentence. You need the word ‘location’ after
Mountain View .
You have a couple of acronyms that haven’t first been spelled out. I would write out IT and
OSS .
Content/Rhetorical Context
1. Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad,
using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications?
Even if it does, what could be done better?
I think that you could better relate your qualifications to the job being applied for. However, I think that language you use does relate well to Google. You have good traits (real world experience, teaming); I would just package it to fit the company more.
2. Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.
I didn’t really feel as if you listed any specific reasons as why you wanted the Google job. There’s a lot of really good examples of your skill set, but I never felt as though you were connecting your skills to Google. If you added a sentence or two about how your skills relate to the Google job, this would be a very good cover letter.
3. Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?
This is easily the strongest part of your letter. You have excellent experience and that’s very obvious reading your cover letter.
4. Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for,
its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
You need to add the source of the position applied for. Otherwise, this is fine.
5. Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further
discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Your conclusion paragraph was well written and to the point. It also leaves the reader thinking about contacting you, which is definitly a good thing.
6. What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.
I would focus on relating your skills to the specific job. Turn this into a more specific cover letter than a generic one.
Also, this is kind of a nitpick, but my immediate thought with the story of 300 customers being without internet is “why were they w/o internet in the first place?” It sounds as if the internet outage was a result of an issue within your company, which probably isn’t what you want the person reading the letter to come away with. The point of time criticaility is good; I would just phrase it better.
Peer Review
Form and Style
address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s),
and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?
Yes, all the parts of the letter are present.
Yes, all the test is flush with the left.
The letter seems fine. It is a good example based on the examples in the Thomson Handbook.
enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?)
Explain.
Again, Jacob does a good job of explaining his amazing experiences without sounded conceited.
either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.
In the beginning, it should read Mountain View *location. The sentence makes little sense the way it is now.
Content/Rhetorical Context
using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications?
Even if it does, what could be done better?
I think you probably nailed it with your network programming experience, that is exactly what Google is looking for. You even mentioned that it is more than you could have gotten in a class, which is absolutely true. That said, maybe it would have been good to mention your CS work/projects in class. Do you have anything other than Dark Horse Networks?
No, not directly. You mention many good reasons why Google should hire you, but why do you want the job?
Yes, the language is appropriate for the target audience. Although I may not know exactly what he is talking about, surely this is what Google wants to hear about.
its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?
Yes, he explains that he wants the position of Software Engineer at the Mountain View campus. He then mentions his experience and diverse skill set.
discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.
Yes he provides his cell phone number. The letter ends on a high note because he shows interest in receieving a reply, and is very courteous.
There is the one major grammar correction. Otherwise, I think may put a little more about Purdue, but that's your call.
Kevin's Comments
Here are some comments on your cover letter. Please email me at kamckelv@purdue.edu if you have any questions. Thanks,
Kevin