Form and Style

1.   Does the letter include all the necessary components (return
address, header, salutation, introductory paragraph, body paragraph(s),
and conclusion)? If not, what’s missing?

This letter includes all the necessary parts. 

2.   Does the writer use block format (all text flush with the left margin)?

No, the writer does not use block formatting.  Cover letters are typically flush to the left margin.  That means no indentations at the start of paragraphs and the closing should be left justified also.

3.   Does the style of the letter suit the occasion? Is it too informal? Too formal or generic? Explain.

This letter fits the occasion of a typical cover letter.  There are a couple of grammar errors that take away from the style though.  See question 5 for details.

4.   Does the writer take the right tone? (E.g., come off as
enthusiastic without gushing? highly qualified without bragging?)
Explain.

Your letter did very well with illustrasting your connection to the company.  It comes off very enthusiastic, which is good.  I did feel as though you started a few too many sentences with the word “I”.  Rearranging a couple of those would help keep the reader’s interest.

5.   Are there any spelling or mechanical errors? If so, identify them,
either by listing them here or by circling them on a printed draft.

In the first paragraph, 5th sentence, you need a comma after the word ‘internship’. 

In the first paragraph, 6th sentence, you do not need the comma.

In the second paragraph, 1st sentence, capitalize the word “degree”.

In the second paragraph, 2nd sentence, the tense of the word ‘work’ is wrong.  It should be ‘worked’.

Content/Rhetorical Context

1.   Does the letter speak directly and specifically to the job ad,
using keywords to organize the discussion of his or her qualifications?
Even if it does, what could be done better?

I think you do a good job of relating your skills to the job.  I would give one or two more specific examples of what your skills are, but overall, nice job.

2.   Does the writer mention specific reasons why he or she has applied for the position? Explain.

Other than you would like an internship that oculd turn into a full time job, I didn’t really see any reasons you wanted this job.  I would add a couple of specific reasons why you want to work with LPE.

3.   Does the writer identify specific skills, using terminology that other experienced people would recognize?

You did do this, which was a really aspect of your letter.  I liked that you mentioned your CAD skills and manufacturing processes.  You mentioned equipment repairs also; I think you would benefit from elaborating on that some.

4.   Does the introductory paragraph identify the position applied for,
its source, and then the major reason(s) why the writer is well-suited?

You need to add the source of the position applied for.  Otherwise, this is fine.  Also, with the header, I wouldn’t bold anything…I don’t think it’s needed.

5.   Does the conclusion say how the writer can be contacted for further
discussion or an interview? Does the letter end on a high note? Explain.

You need to repeat your phone number and email address.  The last thing the reader should see is your contact information. 

6.   What is the most important revision the writer should make? Explain.

I would focus on relating your skills to the specific job.  I did like how you mentioned your interest in the company.

I would add a couple of more examples to strengthen this letter.  Your letter is good thus far, but I think would be improved if you told me a couple things that highlighted your strongest points.  You said you had CAD experience; what did you CAD?…which program did you use?  Same thing with the equipment repairs…

Here are some comments on your job application letter. Email me at kamckelv@purdue.edu if you have any questions. Thanks,

Kevin