For hundreds of years rich white men have ruled the world. What we are seeing as we approach the 2008 general elections in nothing short of historic. For the first time in the history of the United States a woman or a black man will represent one of the two major parties in the presidential elections. I speak of course about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton who are currently entangled in an incredibly tight race for the Democratic Party bid. This means that whoever wins that battle will be one step away from what most would describe as ‘the most powerful person in the world’. The implications of having a female or minority president both nationally and globally can not be underscored.
Peer Editing
This is a good introduction, it poses a strong statement. I am a little unclear on your thesis statement, my only advice would be to give a more dynamic thesis. Good job : )
agreed
Strong language, fascinating attention-grabbers. Overall, this is a solid intro; but I would also suggest tightening up the thesis. What are you going to argue? Shock us! Out with it!
A good intro overall. I
A good intro overall. I like the fact that you chose to write about my idea, but you use good language and you bring forth a good topic to discuss, however your thesis is a little unclear as to whether or not you're going to talk about the candidates themselves, or minorities in the White House in general