English106-01-03 Introductory Composition

"You Americans, why is death always such a surprise to you? Don't you understand that the dance and the struggle are the same?" (245) I thought that this quote, from a Zimbabwean woman that Terry had met in Kenya was rather surprisingly true. There are many other cultures in the world, that not only accept death but also embrace it, as they acknowledge that it is the inevitable counterpart to life. Take the Spanish for instance, they celebrate with something called, El Dia de Los Muertos, which translates to, The Day of the Dead. For everyone who may have experienced this day they know that it not a day of mourning, but a day of celebration of loved ones who have died. To many Americans death is the end, but to many others it is viewed as the continuation of life. I think from the experience that Terry had when she walked out on a film on famine in Ethiopia, this woman pulled her back in to continue watching and get a graps of what it meant. It seems as though this Zimbabwean woman brought some understanding to the thought of death as what it truly is; a continuation of life, not just the end of a person’s existence.

By, “Don’t you understand that the dance and the struggle are the same?,” I think she means that with life…comes death. There is no way around it, with one the other must follow. Terry is maybe just now realizing that this it true after the death of her mother, and with the knowledge of her grandmother having expelled a cancerous tumor. Mimi also reestablishes this thought of a continued life after death on page 247 when she says, “Cancer at eighty is very different from cancer at forty. You must get on with your life and I will get on with mine. We will just go with it.” She, as Terry’s spiritual mentor, has received the knowledge that has helped her believe that she will carry on through her life and into the afterlife and is now letting Terry “in” on the truth.

At the beginning we see that Terry is lost and can't see the refuge as what see used to see it as. "Since Mother's death, I have been liberated from my optimism," and we see that at this point Terry has really nothing(239). My physical mother is gone. My spiritual mother remains," we see that Terry even though see lost her mother in such a terrible way, she still has faith with her religion and God(241). Terry is told by her cousin that Mimi had a tumor and that the prognosis didn't look good. This looks like Terry will lose another important woman in her life to cancer. After she is told the news she remembers, "You Americans, why is death such a surprise to you? Don't you understand the dance and the struggle are the same?"(245). I saw this as a way trying to tell Terry that death is a part of life and is bound to happen sooner or later. It also seem like she was trying to say that life comes with the good and bad. Mimi tells Terry that cancers at eighty is different than at forty, and she tells her that she is going to go with it(247). Mimi realizes that she has live a full life and rather than trying to fight it, she is going to finish the time on earth. You see that the death of Diane has emotionally change just more than Terry with the men of the family no longer being able to hunt. They can't kill anything because when they try they see Diane(251). They can't seem to find a reason to kill an animal. I think they feel that they can't destroy life because they have seen life taken away from them. Terry says "grief dares us to love once more," and I see that she makes a good point that to over come grief one has to love again(252). I also think that with love we can forget the bad and replace it with good thoughts to heal ourselves. Terry says "all is not lost, the birds have simply moved on," and I feel that Terry will see that from the birds and move on in her own life(253). As she is out in the field looking for Snowy plovers, Terry experiences what seems to be heat stroke, but to me I think it is foreshadowing her future problems with cancer. Terry, talking with her cousin explains how she doesn't think the fact that three women got cancer was a coincidence, but rather that there is an outside factor that is contributing to it(261). I agree with Terry because they are located by a test site and from that has the potential to put their health at. There wasn't much regulation on the test and disposal of weapons, and that could have played a big part in all of this. Terry talks about how the migratory birds need a refuge in their migration or they would die. I see that can be related to humans, we all need a place of refuge, and without it we wouldn't be able to survive the long hull of life.

Everything underwent changes in Refuge since Diane died. Indian people believe that scarification is a sign of changes, so Terry feels spiritual about the scar which she has gotten in her trip to Dark Canyon. Nothing looks familiar to Terry anymore. The situation with Refuge started to change, when the government started the project intended to reduce the level of Salt Lake. Her father and brothers still grieve and became more compassed. They stopped hunting on deer, because animals resemble to them Diane. “The grief became their compassion (251)”. Mimi has a cancer, and accepts it without any fight and convinces Terry to accept it as well. Terry’ grandmother dies, but now Terry is already familiar with death.
Terry feels lost. She just started realizing what had happened in her life. “I realize month afterward that my grief is much larger that I could ever have imagined. The headless snake without its rattles, the slaughtered birds, even the pumped lake and the flooded desert, become extensions of my family (252)”. She compares her family tragedy to Salt Lake’s condition: “The Earth is not well and neither are we. I saw the health of the planet as our own (263)”. Especially, she relates her own state to the Refuge: “I see the land and myself in context (255)”. The fragment “Where the water has pulled back, the land looks as though it is recovering from a long illness” means that she is healing slowly from her grief as Refuge returns to its old state . Refuge helps her to recover. She finds her solitude, calmness and freedom there, and feels her mother’s presence there. She even wears pearl necklace “her secret dowry of wealth”. I think that this necklace is her mother’s that she mentioned once. Diane always wore it. Also Terry wonders how it is possible that three women from one family have a cancer at the same time. It is unfair, but as Mimi said she will have to accept it and go on with her own life. She is afraid for herself as well. “But when I hold one of these eggs, there is no gravity in my hand…Life is literally been blown out through a pinhole (262).” I think that she had so many difficulties that she does not feel the life. She lost her hope. Eggs symbolize the origin of the life, and now when there are so many deaths in her life, she probably feels emptiness like weightless eggs.

"Since Mother's death, I have been liberated from my optimism. I have nothing to hope for because what I hoped for is gone." (239) Terry has been depressed since her mother's death. She doesn't have the Refuge to go to anymore now that it is completely flooded but is able to find relaxation at the Great Salt Lake. "My physical mother is gone. My spiritual mother remains." (241) Terry is now looking at nature for the support and comfort that she received from her mother.

Terry falls and hurts herself while camping and thinks, "who will take care of me?" Before she talked about how a child stops being a child when they lose their mother. She comes to realize that she has to take care of herself. Mimi talks about how scars signifies a kind of transformation. (244) Terry has gone through an emotional transformation with losing her mother and coping with the grief. People can also have emotional scars from their experiences.

Mimi's condition with cancer has worsened but she tells Terry to get on with her life. They'll just go with the cancer this time. Mimi has accepeted her cancer. After Mimi dies, Terry becomes scared for herself. She has seen the process of cancer and how it took two of her closest family members. She is worried about the future. Her future.

They finally get the lake under control. I think that means Terry has also gotten control of her life again. She has found the birds and it feels "like coming home." (253) She seems to be getting back to her life and her old ways.

This reading I think is the most important of all the readings in the book in terms of showing truly what the writer is really like. After her mothers death, the writer is definitely very sad and upset. Contributing to her sadness related to her mothers death, the great salt lake, her refuge, is she thinks gone to as it is flooded completely and is now just an 'ocean'. Even her grandmother, who she is so attached to is on the verge of dying because of cancer.
The writer upset beyond imagination, if she was introduced to Marilyn Manson music she would probably turn into a 'gothic emo rocker'. However, when she travels to the oregon bird refuge, she finds the birds that she missed so much from the great salt lake. She then hits a realization to move on, just like the birds have. She realizes that this is not the end of life, sadness may bring about a low in a persons life, but it is not feasible to stay sad holding the grief in forever, you have to let it go and move on, what is gone is gone and now the writer needs to move on.
Soon enough, the government finally starts taking physical action with the great salt lake. The government passes a plan to pump the great salt lake into the desert and attract tourist attention with the project. The plan is soon implemented. A glimmer of hope and a sign to start moving on for the writer.
In between all this, Lynnes nother dies too. One more death. The writer i think is now learning to deal with deaths in the family now that she has learned that the dead are gone and the living still have to live their lives. Even though she is scared of the fact that cancer has started taking women from their family, the count being three woman now.
The writer soon gains more hope when she sees birds back at the salt lake after the water level has dropped a bit. She is very excited by the fact and gets her grandmother out to get fresh air and shows how the poppulation of birds has been increasing.
My thoughts during the whole reading were that the writer is now finally getting ready for a baby, for someone to love. I cannot pinpoint exactly what part of the reading gave me this feeling, i think i felt it throught this reading. Especially towards the beginning of it.

It seems like Terry is very depressed. She has lost everything she loves. She lost her mother to cancer; she lost the bird and the bird refuge to the rising lake. It seems as if she has lost all hope in everything. Nothing seems to be going right in Terry’s life one bad thing after another continues to happen to her from her mother’s death, to the loss of the birds to now falling and cutting her head severely. She really seems to have some of the worst luck in the world throughout the story.
It seems like the people are beginning to regain control of the lake at least a little. That may be a sign of good things to come for Terry because when the lake got out of control her life got a little out of control so now that the lake is returning to normal maybe Terry’s life will return to normal as well.
I find it interesting how she says that the headless snakes, the slaughtered birds, and the pumped lake have become extensions of her family. It shows that she is still grieving for a lot of things but that grieving is allowing her to move on and start to love the things she has in life. She says that, “Grief dares us to love once more” (252) and it seems like that is what she is starting to do after grieving over the many things she has lost in her life.
Terry begins associating thing with the womb again has she has previously in the book now she speaks of the hollow eggs being hollow wombs and Mimi was saying how the eggs to her symbolize the origin of life. She figures that the birds have been cut off from part of their migration route and that has to be somehow corrected with the Great Salt Lake and the refuge.