English106-01-03 Introductory Composition

Losing a loved one is a very hard thing to cope with, however losing your best friend and spouse is on an entirely different level. My grandmother died when I was very young from breast cancer, and although it was pretty tough on me and the rest of my family, my grandfather understandably took it the hardest. All of his children had moved on with their life and left him all alone in his house, with only his grief for company. For many years after that he was never really the same. Terry's father is going through the same set of circumstances. He is very upset about the likelihood of losing his wife at such a young age. Because of this he has difficulty keeping his emotions in check. People have different ways of dealing with emotional pain. Some bottle it all up, while others lash out at people around them. Terry's father is becoming increasingly irrational as he continues to get angry at his family members. Terry notices her father become more emotional and states "Dad's fuse is getting shorter as his fears become greater" (212). This shortened fuse becomes apparent when her father goes off on Terry: "My home will not be turned into a hospital. Enough is enough, I can't take it anymore. It's so easy for you to play Pollyanna and say what a wonderful experience this is, but you don't have to live here. You can go home to Brooke, to the peace of another house and forget what is happening. I can't" (216). Her father expresses his anger, clearly showing how much Diane's cancer is affecting him. This instance corroborates Terry's sentence a few pages earlier that "An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does" (214). Despite Diane's physical pain, the whole Williams family is going through just as much torment. Her father's inability to cope with his wife's death comes through in his irrational anger. As difficult as it is, he needs to realize that his whole family is going through the same pain, and that he should do his best to help comfort the rest of his family instead of push them away. If he continues to let his anger get the best of him, it could create a rift in their family and tear them apart. During such tense times, it is easy to feel hurt and upset, and those feelings can be magnified by the behavior of others.

Terry has faced some incredibly devastating moments through this entire ordeal. She does her best to lighten the mood as her mother continues to near death. From wearing odd arrangements of brightly colored clothing, to reading stories to her mother, she clearly is trying to make her mother as comfortable as possible. It appears that she is finally beginning to accept her mother's illness. She recognizes that the easiest way to get through her difficulties is to accept the reality and do her best to flow with whatever life throws at her. Early in "Refuge," Terry discusses how people always try and resist nature, especially concerning the Great Salt Lake. They dam rivers and build retention ponds and do whatever they can to prevent the tide from rising, spending thousands of dollars in the process. She goes on to discuss how ancient peoples often worked with whatever nature threw at them instead of resisting it, and how it usually worked out for the best. It appears that she is beginning to take her own advice, and learning to go with the flow. By accepting what is happening and realizing it is not worth the struggle to fight back against the forces of nature, Terry's grieving and coping process becomes easier and more bearable.