Throughout the entire book there are numerous examples of Lucy not connecting with the significant characters in her life. She has a range of different people she finds herself sharing time and activities with that that are similar to those of a couple in love, yet she only shows signs of loving two people throughout her entire life. Mariah and Lucy’s mother could very easily be the only two people in her life she ever loves and even then we can tell she tries to deny it even herself. The book starts off with Lucy leaving her mother; supposedly to get an education and better her life, but it is not until Lucy leaves Mariah and Lewis’ apartment that she makes it obvious that this usually comforting feeling actually unsettles her.
Mariah gives Lucy everything she does not even ask for; she takes her out, expands her mind, and treats her like her best friend from birth, but Lucy un-expectantly gets up and leaves. Maybe it was because of the hardship Mariah was going through with Lewis, but if she was not afraid of sharing her feelings of love for Mariah would she not then stay by her side in her time of need? After I read about such a peculiar occurrence it than hit me that Lucy did not leave her mother to better her life; she left to get away from the feeling of love, perhaps because her cold heart could not stand it. Or maybe just like how she left Mariah she could not stand by her own mother’s side when she needed her the most. After so many attempts of Lucy’s father’s lovers trying to kill her mother Lucy was not ready to stand with her. Quite possibly another sign that Lucy is unable or extremely uncomfortable with openly admitting her love for another human.
Even though she learns to love these two women, constantly suppressing the idea of love has left a scar on her heart. She no longer learns to hide the feeling of love, but learns to attempt to never fall in love with anyone. With her various lovers it is extremely obvious that it is strictly a sexual attraction. Lucy never even pretends to have the littlest crush on any man. When meeting someone for the first time the first and only thing that comes to her mind is sex. Jumping from one lover to the next, they are all the same; the only difference is if they are available when Lucy needs them.
Unfortunately for Lucy she does not realize what she is doing until she approaches the end of her book and unfortunately digs herself into a lonely hole, one almost as dark and cold as her heart. But is this surprising in anyway? It is human nature to long for the things we cannot have and to throw away the things we can have; unfortunately for Lucy such a thing was extremely connective emotionally. What we will never learn is if such a mistake could be changed without leaving its mark.