-in the sections with quotes from individuals, should there be quotation marks around these sentences?

-I like the use of the quotes to affirm what you had stated in the earlier paragraph; it adds a personal touch and shows the relevance of the project that you are working on.

-in the paragraph that begins “OSDDP is not only beneficial for school…” the 6th line down, should “serves” be servers or services?

In the first sentence of the second paragraph in the introduction, I found a slight error. "We each read through specific sections....and both..." so that needs tweaked.

Also in the introduction, third paragraph, "The Professinal Writing Online (PW Online)..." maybe you need to state that it is a website right away to prevent confusion.

Last paragraph of introduction, you say that you interviewed two professors. Is Jennie Blankert a professor? If so then she should be Dr. Jennie Blankert, if not then you could say that she is an instructor and that Dr. Suzanne Black is the professor.

In the section about the 505 class, do you need the third sentence in the first paragraph? Also, did you mention that Jennie Blankert was the facilitator for the 505 class? Because I don't think that she is mentioned anywhere but the intro.

What does pedagogical mean?

You've come a long way and I think that your research and document is looking great.

Great job on your overall draft. I just have a few suggestions

-place quotations around the quotes

-"The OSDDP site is like giving your term paper to over twenty people to read and most of them are teachers and students."
Instead of saying "is like" try using "similar" I believe it sounds better

-You used embark twice in one paragraph. You should use another word.

-In the last paragraph...I wouldn't use the word "copious". Try to replace it with another word.

-in the fourth pharagraph, the word embark is used twice in a row and it sounds funny

-Andrew Barnes' quote is cited different than every other one in the press release

-the creative commons lisence needs to be linked

Overall it looks really good, I think that it is well written and that it doesn't need many changes.

You guys have done a great job of changing this draft around from the first one I read a couple of weeks ago. I just have a few small comments.

• I think there should be quotes when you cite peoples' opinions.
• There is one citations toward the end where you have the word "serves" and I think you might mean "service"
• Watch out for repitiveness within your document. I noticed that I read a lot of the same information as I read.

I only have a few comments on your paper. First of all it looks really good so far. I really like the layout and how you have formatted the paper!

A few things:
- Should you have quotes around the things that people said?

- You are a little repititve on some things, make sure you don't keep saying that you can "have so many people edit your papers" and what not.

Great job, it really has evolved and is looking great.

When I looked through this document, I'm not 100% sure where you are headed with this document in terms of what Charlie has told you about areas to improve upon. So when I read through this I mainly looked for proofreading, spelling, and wordiness.

In your opening paragraph I don't understand what the (Purdue OSDDP) is there for. Is it a citation? If so, it needs to be inside the punctuation from the sentence before, as well as the rest of your citations.

Also, when you take quotes from someone you interviewed, do you have to put their information in quotation marks? That will make it stand out as an actual quote as well.

Maybe you guys should also make a link to your Creative Commons License, and put it into words (if that makes sense) that your have the CCL. For example, include a phrase like "this document contains the Creative Commons License" and make the CCL part into a link. This would be useful to readers online so that they can immediately access the license and know what the link is for as well.

Good luck with the finished project!

Much improved over the 1st draft. The press release grabs the reader's attention and is a much better journalistic style piece :)

For the names, I could see where MLA style would work well, their names in parentheses after the quote.

Now if you would like to share some other questions with me, I'd be glad to take a look at them. But this is the only thing I can see to reply to in your comments. Also, the next draft definitely needs to be posted in HTML.

Great progress on the 2nd draft. First of all you need to place the text in html format. It takes a lot less time opening up. As for your Tyler Voight quote I think youi should write it as -Tyler Voight. But you must make it consistent throughout the document whichever way you decide to stick with.

I didn't see any other questions you wanted us to look at besides the -Tyler Voight one.

I think that the idea of using block quote format is good. It will make the report easier to read. I think that using the "-" will be effective when using quotes. Since it is a press release, you can be very creative in your formatting.

In the 4th pharagraph, can anyone propose a project, or just teachers? I think that this could be clarified and explain a little more.

I think that overall this report is very well written, I have one suggestion. The quotes that are included, you may want to say what their relation to OSDDP is.

I would have to say in response to your first question that it would be better to do the block quote and then at the end do "-Tyler Voight." I think this would make it easier for the reader, and would make them more likely to read the text.

One suggestion I would have that you did not mention is in the first sentence, find a word other than "a lot" to describe what you are trying to say. Personally, I think you could find a better word and it would make this sentence sound more professional.

Finally, I agree with the other changes that you are planning on making. I think these changes will greatly improve your paper.

As far as content, I think the press release is excellent and the only real things that will need to be changed are the minor structural issues you mentioned above.

I definitely agree that you should put your quotes in block format. Your press release looks good now, but I think it will be much easier to follow if you do that. As for the end of your quotes, I think that you should end them with a hyphen then the name of the person rather than "quote here" and the name. The rest of your ideas that you listed seem to be good ideas for your paper in terms of changing it around a bit.

I have two main suggestions:

1) As I have mentioned it before, write it like a feature piece in a newspaper or magazine. These generally don't have an introduction and conlucion.

2) This isn't very long. I guess I'm not getting anywhere near the full draft. As I mentioned in class, I was looking for a full one to respond to.

I think that this press release is headed in the right direction. I think that the only thing that it really needs is for it to be expanded on. I think that the quotes included are good because it really shows student's feelings on the site.

I think that with a little more information included in the press release will be very good. Maybe some more facts included would help to make it more informational for the readers.

The first thing I would recommend is to create the file as something other than pdf; proably the best thing to do is create it as an html file. PDF's seem to take a long time to open and they are not as easy to use as html or even a .doc for that matter.

As far as the actual report goes, I really liked the introduction. It was very clear and to the point. Also, it told the reader exactly what to look for in the paper. I also liked how you used the bulleted list. This made it much easier to read and understand what you were writing.

I thought the body and conclusion were very good also. I liked how you included quotations from people who have actually used the site before. I also thought you did a good job of portraying the OSDDP site in a favorable manner, which I would assume is the whole purpose of your press release in the first place.

The only real suggestion I have to improve this is to possibly lengthen it a bit. Maybe you could add more quotes from users, possibly even instructors who use it and like the site.

Also, you could possibly add some more background info about the site. I think this also might help to improve this document.

Other than those few points, I thought it was very well written.

I think that the years for your quotes within the body have the wrong date on them, its not the year 2007. Did you mean 1997?

Change the subheading of your paper, “body” is too general. Also, you might want to consider including an executive summary.

With the quotes that you have from students and other people, try to enrich them by adding more to them instead of just making them free standing beings by themselves. This will add more depth to your paper.

Your conclusion is somewhat vague, you should add more to it.
Additionally, the intorduction is vauge as well. Really tell the audience what this paper is, and what it is about.

You seem to be headed in the right direction for your project and it is looking good. I would suggest adding a few more quotes that cover different areas, opinions or issues with OSDDP as well including some from teachers if you have them. This lets those that read the press release get a better idea of how OSDDP affects other primary users of the site. Great start!!

This was a good example of a press release because it makes the reader want to go to the site and see how useful it can be for them. I thought you did an excellent job with the quotations because it showed that common students can get positive feedback and can learn from this website.

The first thing I saw that should be changed is the heading of the paper. Maybe try to implement something more creative than just introduction, body, and conclusion. The next small error I saw was in the third paragraph for the introduction, try to use another word for embark the second time you used it. It was repeating of a word twice within a sentence of each other. The next part I was confused about was where the open source software section was. After reading it once and glancing through a second time, I was unable to find it. Overall, I think the paper could use some more details about the site and more information. I felt there was just as much quoting then there was information about the site. I know the paper should be like an infomercial, but there needs to be some backing to the facts.

I thought it was great how you included quotes in there from students. I noticed when you did your powerpoint, there were a lot of differing views. I think you need to incorporate more of that into your press release. I feel as though if I was someone outside from the community readinig about it...I don't really have a good idea of the various opinions of students. It was good though how you talked about the OSDDP site and its functions. I would just have to say for your next draft include a lot more opinions. I know you interviewed a lot of people, it seems in the draft it doesn't represent the amount of work you did. You don't have to put a quote for every opinion. In the beginning of the paragraph give a brief intro to it. Put in general what the thoughts were and then add a quote in there that backs your information up.

I think you have a good start. I have one question though, how did you get answers from people in the future? Each of your citations has May 2007 behind it. Also since you are writing a press release I don't think you'll really need the introduction. The student's comments are really nice, and they add a great selling point to the OSDDP website. I would also stick with the attitudes and views of studets who use OSDDP. I think many of the people who read this will already know what OSDDP is so I don't think there is a need to explain the OSDDP website.

"Our targeted audience will be people interested in OSDDP and those that currently use it."

Couldn't your target audience include people that have not heard of OSDDP? In other words, seeing this as a marketing tool, the press release can also act to expose people to OSDDP for the first time (those that are not already interested).

"Our topic is Students’ and Teachers’ Opinions on the use of OSDDP."

As I mentioned in class, looks like your topic has shifted slightly to a feature piece on OSDDP in Mark Z's 421 classes (which is fine :-) So one thing you might consider is asking Mark Z if you could get in touch with him in case you need clarification on anything the students said. You might also ask for the location of their course website in case you want to take a look at the projects that people are doing.

"Another problem we may face is negative feedback on OSDDP. We do not want to supply anything negative about OSDDP. Our press release will be partially biased in that we do not want people to be turned away from OSDDP."

Although, if you can easily refute the negative feedback by providing overwhelming positive feeedback to counter it for a given issue, that could be good since it would appear to present a more balanced viewpoint.

"We want all the feedback we can get but if it isn’t relevant then we will need to leave it out of the press release."

Based on how your focus has shifted a little, this may be less of a problem.

I really like your group’s idea for doing a survey. It will be much easier on the group and probably take less time. Plus, people probably feel much more comfortable just filling out a survey than actually being interviewed one-on-one.

Your potential questions sound good and I like the idea of using quotes in your press release, but like we discussed in class make sure that you ask them if they want their name to be used.

All of your problems seem reasonable. I think for almost every group, time is a big problem. It’s going to be difficult to find times that work for everyone to be able to get together with interviewees.

Just a nit picky thing about the way you assembled your proposal, I wouldn’t list the requirements in the way that you did. It would probably be better if you just had Audience as a title and Potential Problems as another. Things like that would make it seem more professional.

Your organization on the proposal was excellent. I got a clear understanding of what you are going to be doing and what you will be posting at the end of the project.

I look forward to reading your press release at the end because I am interested in seeing what other students think about osddp and how they use it.

Great Job on being clear and concise with your proposal.

As far as formatting of the proposal goes, everything looks pretty good. I would just suggest adding a title, date, and your group members’ names as well. Also in using headings for the proposal, leave out the personal pronouns in each and just stick with “Research Plan” or “Problems Anticipated” for example. It might be a good idea to organize your sections with bullet points as well so the proposal is easier to read. This may also benefit you when you reference it to work on the project.

It seems that you have a good idea of how you want to approach the project and what you will be providing to readers. You may want to consider rewording some sections as well. For the most part it all sounds really good, but I would go back on some sentences that sound too wordy or repetitive of the fact that you want as much feedback as possible. Other than that, I would just go into more detail of what your topic/purpose for the project is. The idea is there, but it is a bit vague. It sounds like you are putting forth a lot of effort and I’m sure the outcome will be great!!

Ok, so like Charlie said you should probably add a title and date and other important information like that to your proposal. It would make it easier for people who may come along and make revisions or additions to this project in the future.

For your audience, I'm not sure if it is completely accurate to say 'people interested in OSDDP.' Instead you could say, potential and current users of OSDDP. But I think that it was important that you included professors and teachers as well.

I like your topic/purpose, it is very concise and it covers your goal for this project.

I like the different techniques that you might use to obtain information through research such as the questionarie. Sometimes people would be more willing to answer a few short questions than to take the time to sit down with you. I think with all your options and various ways to contact people you should get good feedback. But keep in mind that you do want as many people as possible to give you their opinion on OSDDP-so it is a good idea to visit as many classes as you can.

For your anticipated problems, I would make sure that you are persistant and organized in your attempt to contact people. Also, time management might be an issue if you have a problem with delayed responses. So stay on top of things and conduct your interviews as soon as possible to aviod future problems.

You guys have done a good job in defining your project. Like we discussed in class I just want to mention the importance of putting a title to your work, and I think even your group member names could be useful as well.

I'm not too certain about your secondary audience. It looks like the only people that would be on this site are those students who are English majors. Probably most students have to take some sort of writing class, regardless of their major. Also, internet users may be browsing the internet and come across this website and starting browsing through it as well.

I think that you guys will hopefully get some good feedback from your interviews in class. It seems like it will take up a good amount of your time outside of class to conduct them. I hope you get some great feedback from students and teachers about OSDDP. Good luck with everything!

I thought the audience section was very clear and concise. It defined exactly who your audience is, as well as broadening the target audience to many different people.

I thought that the purpose section may be able to use some work. I think that you could be more specific in defining the purpose. To me, it seems a bit vague.

The research plan was extremely well written. I liked how you not only defined how you were going to research, but you also gave some examples of the questions you are going to ask your interviewees. Additionally, I think the survey would serve as a good research tool in the context of your project.

In the problems section, I have a few suggestions for some of your problems. You discuss how yo are afraid that the people you are interviewing will not have knowledge of OSDDP. You may be able to solve this problem by providing them with a brief written overview of what OSDDP is and what it is used for.

Also, if you are worried about not getting sufficient feedback, I suggest contacting many more people than you think you will need just in case some of them do not respond to your emails.

Overall, I thought the proposal was well written, and there are just a few sections, that I highlighted above, that I think could possibly improved.