ENGL 680M: New Media

A miracle happened: I was able to log on to second life. I had, all the time, been blaming Vista for my inability to get onto SL, when all along it was Norton Anti Virus causing the chaos (and not letting me access the library data bases, or listen to NPR). Now that Norton is gone my computer is almost fully functional.

So, for the first time ever, I log onto SL all by my lonesome and I found it… Lonesome. I realized how much more interesting exploring in a virtual world is with other people. This is what I find while traveling as well (always more fun to get lost with someone you love.) At first it was just a little lonely, and I had to remember how to do all the things that I had been taught by Karen and Pepper last year. Then, maybe because I teleported into a grave yard right off and it was Halloween, I began to feel nervous. More and more it felt tense, like I was there, and who knows who would approach me. It felt like too much work to get spoken to, too difficult to find what I wanted… I was afraid. This shocked me when I realized that I was frightened. My rational mind said, “Morgan, you cannot be afraid for a picture on a screen, because nothing, NOTHING, can happen to you in this place.” Rational mind went on this way until I logged off, repeating to me that I was being silly, and that it was odd that I couldn’t just hang out and explore.

It was odd. But then I thought back to that state of loneliness that I felt getting on, and the idea of exploring a location with people. I can wander around romantically with a city waiting for encounters to inspire me and make me grow with the best of travelers, but I can only do it for about four hours before I buy a book and camp at a café. Experiencing with people is where it is at for me, and I like doing this with people I can trust. The world (SL) was full of strangers last night. I kept trying to recall every avatar name I know to find someone, or something that I would recognize in the world.

It felt like going to a party that you were tangentially invited to at a huge mansion. This mansion is sooo big, and the friend of a friend (who is the only one you know) could be anywhere. Wandering from room to room, with only a few people in each room… those people could be anyone… Just lost and lonely.

I realized that without effort, without thought, I had made this world a real place. Even though I have only visited a few times before it had gained a reality that was enough to make me scared, enough to make me nervous about saying the wrong thing, acting or looking dumb: this world was like any other reality except (as Dwight said) I can fly.