Hello, I have attached my suggestions in the file attached. Good luck and nice work!

Peer Review: The History, Present, Future and Advantages of Email

1. I think the overall appearance of your white paper looks very unique, and I also like the addition of pictures to illustrate what the corresponding paragraph will be about. Your utilization of two columns makes the document easy to read. I also think that your headings are informative and help to outline your white paper. The order of your white paper is also very convenient, because you start with the history and progress on towards the future.

2. You clearly show how email has its advantages in everyday life and how email is ever changing to meet our needs. Several of your sections provide the reader with facts about the advantages of email and the advancements it has made. I also like the way you ask questions, and then answer them with facts and examples. The questions you ask, are ones that help to address any doubts the reader might have about email.

3. You did a very nice job of presenting the history of email, but since we have to reduce the paper I would start by making those sections more concise. Especially the sections titled “Advancements in Email”, I feel that this section could be significantly reduced to only include the facts that support your argument. Maybe you could try and just make one section about the history of email, because you have a lot of other sections that are important in establishing your argument. One section that I feel is not as significant as the others is the “Spam Blockers” section. I know that this may be an example of how email is changing, but I think that the “Advantages of Email in Everyday use” and “Advantages of Email in the Workplace” are some of your most important sections. I also think the section “Telephone vs. Email” is very important, because it supports your argument and also provides the reader with two key points about why email is better than using the telephone.

4. I think you did a very nice job of explaining the history of email and also the advantages. After reading through you draft I did not find any areas where I felt that you needed to explain or expand. I thought every section was thoroughly written. Although your introduction set up your argument, I felt it was a little confusing because of the verb tense. Ex. “This paper will shown how email has advanced throughout its creation, what the advantages are, and what the future of email looks like.” Shown should be changed to show, and in the last sentence maybe change shown to presented.

5. I could not find any areas where I felt you were expressing your own opinions. You stated the opinions of others, which was properly cited in the text. I think it is hard when trying to include an argument within your paper not to include opinions, but you did a nice job of providing the facts.

6. I do not see any problems with how your white paper fits in the white paper genre. I think that your headings are descriptive, you provided us with history of your topic, there was an argument, and the argument was proven and supported. The only suggestion I have would be to add graphics or charts that would provide visual examples of what email used to look like and what email looks like now. The graphics you use now really catch the readers eye, but it might be nice to see an example of what the first email looked like.

7. As far as MLA format goes, you do not need to include the year after the authors name, this is only used in APA format. Some parts of the paper used the proper citations and others didn’t. Make sure to include your bibliography with your final draft. Also a table of contents might be a good way to allow readers to find specific sections of your white paper. Overall, I think that you did a great job on your draft! You thoroughly explained each section, so I think by summarizing a couple sections you will be able to easily meet the revision requirements.

I really like the appearance of the paper, and the headings definitely attract attention from the reader. However, I feel that these sections seem almost too segregated and the readability could benefit from additional transitions either at the end of each section or at the beginning of each section. I infer that the target for the argument is to prove email is advantageous to the world, and to disprove that technological advances pose a problem to the world. I do feel the paper effectively pursues this argument, but I think additional allusions to this argument throughout the paper could make it clearer. For example, much of the beginning of the paper strictly focuses on the history of email, but it does not allude directly to the argument. I believe the historical sections, as well as the advantages sections are the most important for this white paper. I think the sections on instant messaging, asynchronous and synchronous email and the potential demise are less important for validating your argument. The terms and concepts were adequately described, but I felt that some changes in sentence structure could make some of the technical information understandable. There was some grammatical errors that I encountered such as in the first paragraph….”This paper will shown how email”, but I think these can easily be fixed when the paper is revised for the second draft. I think the paper was very succinct and in my experience fits the white paper genre. I would consider making a simple revision to the conclusion because it gives a biased feel when the rest of the paper appears unbiased. The works cited for the paper did not download, so it is difficult to see if there are citation errors, but I would suggest making sure all the citations are cited the same way in the text.

Overall I think that your paper has a lot of detail and facts about the history of email. This made it interesting to read because everyone uses email now but most of us don't know how it began. The formatting of your paper was different, using the two columns. I think that it still is easy to read just different. I also like the addition of graphics, it made the paper more appealing to the eye. While your paper was very informative I wasn't exactly sure what your definitive argument was...is it the importance of email or the positive changes email has made over time...? I do think that you did a great job of combing a lot of information without making it confusing or boring to read. I think you did a great job!